


i just want you to trust me

by emptymasks



Series: i dreamt about you last night and i fell out of bed twice [3]
Category: House M.D.
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Arguing, Boss/Employee Relationship, Chronic Pain, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e09 Finding Judas, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, Insecurity, M/M, Mention of Surgery, Missing Scene, Older Man/Younger Man, injury (to the patient), mention of amputation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-18
Updated: 2019-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-08 08:04:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21472750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emptymasks/pseuds/emptymasks
Summary: "Can we talk?" Chase asked, finally approaching House."No.""I really think we-""Either you screwed me and you want absolution or you didn't and you want applause. Either way I'm not interested."
Relationships: Robert Chase/Greg House
Series: i dreamt about you last night and i fell out of bed twice [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1547803
Comments: 7
Kudos: 83





	i just want you to trust me

“See, if I was looking at this as an outsider, I would say it was because Detective Tritter had what appeared to be a very pleasant lunch with Doctor Chase,” Tritter smiled and laughed as Chase looked around and made eye contact with a nurse across the room. “The two of them appear to be working together.” He placed one of his large, sweaty hands on Chase’s back and he shook it off, not caring if he looked childish.

He was fucked wasn’t he? Tritter had done all this, frozen Cameron's and Foreman's accounts and not his, only to unfreeze them tomorrow just so that Chase would freak out, so that he'd agree to talk to Tritter again. Tritter had refused to talk to him in private and said if he didn't come he would freeze Chase's account and okay call him spineless but he could really do with keeping his money right now, so he went. How could he have been so stupid?

So it turned out all of this was just to make people talk about how they'd seen Chase and him together, but they'd know Cameron and Foreman hadn't had another meeting with Tritter, so why single Chase out unless Chase is doing something bad? Fuck.

Say his accounts haven’t been frozen and it looks like he’s being singled out because he’s ratting on House. Lie and say they are frozen and they find out he’s lying, then it looks like he’s been deceiving them because he’s ratting on House. Yes he could tell them this was exactly Tritter’s plan and everything Tritter said to him, but would they believe him? Chase doubted it. Vogler was a couple years ago now, but he still knew he was the least trusted member of the team. And now with House and this thing they had going on… House was a lot more likely to assume he was lying because he just couldn’t believe anyone genuinely wanted to spend time with him without an ulterior motive.

He tried not to think about it too much as they dealt with the little girl. He had to keep focused on work and decide on whether to tell House or not once they were back at his place. Hell, if House even let him come back with him tonight. The lack of vicodin was making him grumpier than usual, and incredibly easy to anger.

"She got a major dose of heparin to thin her blood for the procedure, could have induced thrombocytopenia." Cameron said as they where stuck behind the glass as Cuddy and Foreman worked on the girl.

"That's unlikely, the charcoal would have absorbed a lot of the heparin. She'd been anaemic, could be a primary blood disorder." Chase countered.

"Or we never cured the infection," House pulled his head away from where he'd been leaning it against the wall.

"Are you saying she never had reye's? We just put that little girl through excruciating pain."

"The pain wasn't House's fault," Chase cut in. Turned out guilt over nothing, other than what guilt he _would_ feel if he was actually doing what people were going to assume he was doing, was already eating at him. "Even if the clot was a reaction to what we gave her we still had-"

"I don't need you to cover my ass!" House looked at him and it had been the first eye contact Chase had had with him since his lunch with Tritter and didn't that and the yelling make him just want to curl up in a dark hole. "What I need is my vicodin. Two pills every six hours, like I'm on an allowance. She's given the cop leverage over medical decisions, what the hell why don't we get a plummer in here, ask his opinion? Hey Cuddy, you know any rodeo clowns who can weigh in-"

As House rambled Chase thought back on his decision to not give House any more vicodin. It had been for the best, he wasn't just trying to protect himself, he was trying to protect House too. If it looked like he was being intimidated or ordered into giving House prescriptions that would just make House look more guilty. He was thankful Cuddy had stepped in and was at least giving him some pain relief, but he knew it wasn't going to be enough for House. Ignoring whether House had an addiction to them or not (he did) the pain in his leg was terrible, and the more he'd been seeing House outside of work the more he realised how much trouble and pain it could cause. He was a doctor of course, he knew what chronic pain meant, but it was different when you saw House curled up unable to get out of bed because of his leg, both of them ignoring wet patches on House's pillow as Chase brought him water and laid next to him and recounted embarrassing stories about himself that he knew he'd regret sharing but where making House laugh and distract him from his leg.

He was snapped out of his train of thought when he realised House had cut himself off. That never happened. He and Cameron turned around and crept closer to the window.

"Where the hell is she?" Is all House said before he stormed out of the room.

\-----

He thought about telling House again, when the four of them were stood overlooking the reception area, trying to figure out what to do about the girl's infection and what exactly it was. Chase hung back from the other three. Cameron and Foreman stood relatively close to where House was leaning over the railing, but Chase stood back as though he felt he didn't deserve to be any closer. Did they already suspect anything? Had any of them heard rumours of him getting cosy with Tritter? Were they even shocked by the idea of Chase betraying House? He had hoped he'd been redeeming himself, that he was part of the team once more... but perhaps his past actions meant they were never going to really forget, that they were always going to be eager to jump on the bandwagon of seeing him as disloyal.

House sighed. "Okay you guys are sulking, I don't really care why but apparently I can't do my job without finding out.

"Tritter released our bank accounts," Cameron said.

"Horrible."

He'd released them already? He said at lunch he'd wait until tomorrow. Chase was glad he was hanging back from the group as he wasn't sure his poker face was the best right now.

"Horrible news," House continued. "Wow, I'm glad we didn't let that fester. If she did have reye's then it could be varicella, they're associated."

Okay House was moving on, please let everyone just go with it and back to focusing on the case.

"He released our money, you do know what that means?" Foreman wouldn't let it go.

"The correct question is: how could it be varicella given that she's not itchy?"

Chase jumped to answer before either Foreman or Cameron could say anything else. "Rickettsialpox causes rash, fever and muscle pain."

"Pain, not paralysis," Cameron countered. "Rocky Mountain spotted fever on the other hand: rash, fever, anemia, paralysis, and I didn't say anything to Tritter."

_Dammit Cameron._ Though, actually, the fact that she spoke up first, and the bank accounts all being unfrozen could be... good? Okay so people would talk about seeing him with Tritter, but if it came up there's no proof that the other two didn't have meetings with Tritter too... In fact there was no way to know that Tritter hadn't given Foreman and Cameron their accounts back because they'd made some deal- No. Suspecting them wasn't going to do any good and probably what Tritter wanted.

"Neither did I," Said Foreman.

"Maybe he wants us to think that one of us talked," Chase suggested, damage control was starting now.

"It worked."

"You were with him," Cameron chirped.

"We were all with him," They just meant the talks earlier right?

"We weren't laughing with him," Foreman added and oh fuck no they were talking about lunch. Tritter had been laughing, Chase had been doing nothing of the sort and as if Tritter didn't seem like the person to laugh at other's misfortune.

"Maybe he just gave up. Start the kid on chloramphenicol for Rocky Mountain spotted fever," House got the conversation back on the patient and Cameron and Foreman walked off.

Chase hated this feeling. Feeling guilty was one thing, feeling guilty about something he hadn't even done was somehow worse, because that meant he hadn't done anything wrong, people just thought he was the type too. He knew it took a lot to gain House's trust back and he would have hated losing it again if they were just coworkers, but now they were... dating, and had been for the past four months he couldn't bear it if Tritter was going to break them up.

"Can we talk?" Chase asked, finally approaching House.

"No."

"I really think we-"

"Either you screwed me and you want absolution or you didn't and you want applause. Either way I'm not interested."

"Yes. You. Are." Chase punctuated each word as he lent closer. "You and I both know this is different now. Us fighting over a patient doesn't effect how we are outside the hospital, but this will and I need to know that you trust me."

House kept his gaze focused on the back of some nurse's head he was currently attacking with the laser pointer.

Chase sighed and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Fine, you don't want to talk now, then we're talking about it back home."

He was halfway back to lab when his brain caught up with what his mouth had said. Sure he'd been spending more and more time at House's apartment, and they always went back to his instead of Chase's (it was nicer, larger and Chase didn't really want House knowing quite how low he'd fallen since being cut out of his Dad's will) but he'd never called it 'home' before.

He didn't have time to think about that, he didn't have time to think about anything. Or perhaps he did, but he didn't want this headache until this day was over.

\-----

They were back in their little meeting room. The treatment wasn't working, yet again. Chase watched House tightly wrap both his hands around one of the steel poles holding up the shelving unit.

"What dose did you give her?" House asked, his voice clearly strained and tired but Chase was getting angrier by the second.

"Yeah, maybe Chase screwed up," He was glad at least his voice came out just annoyed and not mad. At least it made House turn around and look at him. "We always end up there, just getting a jump on it... I doubled her up."

"The infection's morphed," He could hear House's breathing was laboured and he'd fight and argue if House hadn't looked a little shocked when Chase had just spoken back to him. What, did he not think Chase would still be angry? Maybe he was telling the truth earlier and he just didn't care? Or... maybe he didn't care because he _did_ actually trust Chase? But that last option was dangerous to hope for. "It's moved into her muscle sheath."

"Necrotizing fasciitis?" Foreman asked.

"That's impervious to drugs," Cameron added.

"The only treatment," House took a shaky breath. "Is to cut away the infected area. So, we amputate."

"Arm and leg?" Cameron asked. "We can't cut a six year old kid in half without a confirmed diagnosis."

No, House couldn't be serious. His annoying brilliant brain had to be able to think of something else.

"Moves too quickly, and we waited too long. We don't have time for a culture."

"We can at least observe her for a few hours, confirm the rash is spreading."

"It spreads, she dies," House turned to face them again.

"You're talking about crippling her," Foreman said.

"We're not even certain this was an infection." Chase added.

"Right!" House yelled and the others flinched. Chase had never heard House yell this loud before, the pain must be really bad. "She's six! She's cute! She can't have flesh-eating bacteria! It's just wrong! Let's cure her with sunshine and puppies! Cute kids die of terrible illnesses, innocent doctors go to jail, and it's because cowards like you won't stand up and do what's required. You can sit around and moan about who's the bigger weakling. I'm gonna go do my job." He tilted his head back and swallowed what was hopefully vicodin and stormed off.

He was right. Of course he was right and of course they didn't want to do it. Would watching her for a couple more hours really kill her? House clearly didn't think it was worth the risk. Perhaps if the pain in his leg wasn't making him such a fucking bastard right now he'd at least give them a little time. 'Innocent doctors go to jail', had House given up? And if them not doing 'what's required' was meant to apply to both the patient and House's situation... what could they do to help him? Giving him vicodin would help his pain but it could only hurt or do nothing to his case, there was no way it could help it.

God he was fucking selfish wasn't he? Imagining how he was going to talk to House later and how he wanted things to be okay between then, while there was a six year old girl about to lose two of her limbs.

He looked down at Cameron and Foreman. They both looked as dejected as he felt. He walked across the room and slumped in a chair away from them.

"He's yelled at us before," Foreman finally said.

"Because he thought our theories were dumb, not because our theories were sending him to jail." Cameron responded.

"He's going through withdrawal. Could be causing mild paranoia. It'll pass. We just have to suffer through it."

"We never ruled out allergy."

Ah, they were back on the patient. They all seemed to be switching so quickly between the two topics. What good would still thinking about it do? House had already gone off get the parents consent and they were most likely prepping for the amputation right now. Chase picked up and twirled the laser pointer House had left behind. Yes, he was distracting himself. No, he wasn't heartless. You couldn't afford to dwell too much with this job.

"We gave her drugs, she had no negative reaction."

"We cut open her belly, she got a rash on her belly. We did a scratch test on her back, she got a rash on her back. I know House ruled out mojo, but it can't be a coincidence-"

"Little late to be playing differential games, isn't it," Chase flicked on the laser pointer and waved it at Foreman.

"Get that thing away from me, I don't want to get burned."

"Laser pointers don't burn you, genius."

"Skin, no. Retina, yes."

"You don't trust my aim? Maybe you should cover any sensitive..." Oh fuck. He had to stop House. They better have not already start chopping her limbs off. "He was wrong about the puppies." Chase launched himself out of the chair and ran out of the room.

Chase wasn't running for long, House was trying to sneak out of the building. Okay well not sneak out, but sneak away from him.

"House you've got to stop the surgery, she doesn't have necrotizing fasciitis."

"Oh, good," Was all the response he got as House turned away.

"She's got erythropoietic protoporphyria, she's allergic to light. It's genetic. Either parent could have carried it," He stopped in front of House, determined to not let him keep walking.

"I know what it is. Infection fits better." No he was not walking off again, Chase pushed on his shoulder.

"She gets worse every time she goes under surgical lights, dad takes her outside-"

"Her liver's shot, too. She swallow a flashlight?"

"Stop the surgery," He put his hand on House again.

"Get the hell out of my way."

"No, I'm-" He had a split second to register House was moving before he was on the ground, hand going straight to his nose to check for blood before he properly registered House had just punched him in the face. Prick. He didn't have time for this. "Light damages the blood cells, the damaged blood cells contain protoporphyrin, the protoporphyrin builds up in the liver." He looked up at House and at least the man looked stunned and a little bad, though who knew if that was because he hadn't meant to punch him or he was realising he was wrong. Hopefully both. "That's why the liver's shutting down."

He pushed his hand to his nose as he got up, watching how House glanced around at the onlookers. Knowing House he was probably more concerned with the fact he got it wrong... though when the result of that decision was almost bisecting a child, yeah okay that was definitely a lot worse than punching Chase in the face. He just hoped the surgery hadn't gone too far yet.

\-----

The girl was okay, the knife luckily hadn't entered her when House made the call to stop the surgery, and now Chase's relief was fading fast and all that was left was adrenaline and anger. He threw his bag onto the floor and set about making himself a sandwich with the limited ingredients they had in the staff lounge. The peanut butter jar was almost empty and he had to scrape around to get the slightest amount out. Great. Just another thing to be annoying today.

"So what's new?" Wilson put on his cheeriest voice.

"House missed one."

"That's happened before."

"He nearly maimed a little girl... And I got it right." Wilson looked up at that. "And I told him, and it didn't matter."

He was an idiot. Still craving House's approval. Didn't get any from his Dad and since then had been seeking it from his boss and now boyfriend, how fucking sad.

"Chase, you solved one. You helped a patient, that better be enough for you. Beckett was going to call his play 'Waiting for House's Approval' but decided it was too grim."

"Trust me, I'm not waiting anymore."

He said it without thinking. He said it without knowing whether it was true. Wilson could take it and assume that meant he was going to run straight to Tritter, but he wasn't. He was just tired. It was pathetic really, and it was about time he moved on. And did he really expect House to change just because they were seeing each other now? And how much of House's actions today were just because of the withdrawal? God, he kept asking himself a lot of questions today.

\-----

He was thankful House had decided to give him a spare key to the apartment a couple weeks ago, because he doubted House was going to let him into the apartment of his own free will.

House was sat at the piano when Chase walked in. He paused his playing for a moment, and when Chase didn't speak he resumed. Chase didn't want to play some stupid game of seeing who would talk first, but he also was bloody pissed off. He left his bag on the sofa and poured himself a glass of water, shedding off his jacket and unbuttoning his shirt, his tie had already been thrown off in frustration earlier a few hours ago.

He wasn't really aware House's playing had stopped until he spoke.

"How's the nose?"

"You punch like a girl," He walked out of the kitchen and lent against the door frame. "So my nose is fine, thanks for asking."

"Maybe I went easy on you."

"You never go easy on anyone... It's one of the reasons I like you," House's eyebrows raised. Good, he hadn't expected that.

"Really? Because you still seem to have this need to finally gain my approval, for which I have to point out two very obvious things: one, you still work for me so obviously I'm not disappointed in you, and two, I'm not your father."

Chase sucked in a breath at the word 'father'. "I'm not with you because I looked at you and see my Dad, or the Dad I wish I could have had."

"I am around the right age though."

"I don't want to fuck my Dad!"

House blinked at him. "Well, I'm glad we cleared that up."

He turned back and began playing the piano again and Chase walked forwards and sank into the sofa. "I can want your approval without it being about my Dad." He mumbled.

"But it is about your Dad."

"...But it is about my Dad. But you can't come at me for that, you've got daddy issues of your own, you should be able to relate. You know, that thing where you've been through similar shit so you can understand how someone feels?"

"I don't look for a father figure in my partner."

"Can I not want your approval simply because I like you a lot and so what you think of me matters to me?"

House stopped playing and looked at him.

"But I don't... I'm not..." Chase stumbled to find words. "I might be done with it, reaching for your approval. And I don't know what that means, because if I give up caring about what you think of me I worry it means I'll push myself away from you because I don't know how to love you without caring what you think and I don't want to push you away because I like this. I like us and what we're doing and I don't want it to end."

"I could make some remark about you growing a spine, but... I think I should focus more on you confessing your love to me."

"I didn't confess-"

"'I don't know how to love you without caring what you think'," House quoted back to him as Chase recognised the words as his own and groaned and put his head in his hands.

He heard the stool scrape against the floor and then the sofa was dipping next to him with new weight being applied.

This was not how he imagining finally saying the word 'love' to House would go. He figured he could get away without saying it for... well for forever maybe. Taking that leap with House was dangerous. He was clearly capable of love, he'd loved Stacy, but Chase couldn't be sure this wasn't all just some distraction. That House wasn't just using this as an opportunity to figure Chase out.

"There are a lot of easier people to love than me, you know."

"I know, I'm not that stupid." Chase snapped.

The silence planted itself back on them. At least House hadn't kicked him out yet. Withdrawal was going to be tougher than they'd both thought, but that didn't bother him. He wasn't a coward like some people thought, he wanted to stick around.

"I like sticking around because despite the fact you're a manipulative bastard and you love to tease me and argue with me and put me down sometimes, you're also here for me and you let me look after you when the pain's too much and let me blast my music even though you hate most of it and let me whine and cry about stupid things because deep down you _do_ care. I love you despite of the shitty things you do because the good stuff makes the rest of it worth it."

Chase was not going to cry. He was worked up from Tritter, and the panic of losing his money, and then the guilt and the worry, and then their patient, and then House screaming at them, and then worrying about being too late to stop a girl losing limbs when she didn't need too, and then getting punched in the face. So it had been sort of a busy day.

"I'm glad you stopped me from letting the surgery happen," House said at last and Chase peaked through his fingers up at him. "And, and if you tell anyone this then your name will be what I forge onto prescriptions for vicodin, and you were right. I'm honestly more proud of you for standing up to me and continuing to talk after I punched you than I am about you figuring out the diagnosis, but you can't expect a wild fanfare from me."

Did... Did the word 'proud' actually just come out of House's mouth? Oh fuck he might actually cry now. He wasn't aware he was shaking until there was a hand over one of his own.

"I didn't know the word 'proud' was in your vocabulary," Chase tried to laugh but it sounded wet and pathetic.

"Didn't know the word 'no' was in yours."

Chase twisted his hand and House slowly curled his fingers around it.

"I didn't talk to Tritter. Or, well I did but I didn't tell him anything," Chase sighed. "He didn't freeze my account. He never froze my account."

He waited to see if House would tell him off for lying, but he seemed to be sitting back and letting Chase to the talking.

"He said he would if I didn't go to lunch with him, so I went. I should have tried to ask for it to be somewhere more private but... I was just worried about the money, you know, and he ate and laughed as he told me his master plan of only freezing Cameron's and Foreman's accounts and not mine so that either I'd tell the truth and look guilty or I'd lie and look guilty if and when I was found out. He thought he could convince me that, because you all already didn't trust me, why should I bother protecting you... And he was right wasn't he?" He sat up to look at House. "Wasn't he?"

"You're not lying." House stared at him, studying him. "And, no, he wasn't."

"But after Vogler-"

"I said it would take time for me to forgive you, I never said it would never happen. And obviously I had and was trusting you otherwise I wouldn't be letting you into my personal life."

"The others will think-"

"Who cares? I thought my opinion was the one that mattered the most? I believe you."

"Why? Just because you do? Just because do and therefore you're right?"

House's face seemed to soften and sadden at the same time. "Because anyone who's willing to put up with me for this long, anyone who's willing to cope with the pain as well as the charming personality and good looks, anyone who's willing to get screamed at and punched in the face by me and still come back here... that's not someone who's just doing it because some immature cop promised you money if you testified against me."

"And I'm not... I'm not planning on stopping putting up with you, just in case that's something you were concerned about."

"I wasn't."

"Of course not."

House had responded to quickly and sharply it was a bold, blazing lie and Chase smiled as he responded. He moved his arm and House's attached one with it, so he lent forward to kiss him, his free hand scratching at the stubble under House's jaw.

"I am sorry about punching you." House said as Chase pulled back. "I'm not sure if I'd be able to cope if I'd ruined that pretty, pretty face, though I suppose I have considering the bruise that's flowering up on your jaw. Imagine how many high school girls would be crying themselves to sleep every night because someone dared to hurt dreamy Doctor Ch-" He still mumbled the rest of the word into Chase's mouth as Chase kissed him again to shut him up.

"I'm sure you can find some way to make it up to me."

"And as pleasant as it would be, I'm not sure how up for strenuous activity I am until Cuddy gives in and gives me a nice cake-sized box full of vicodin."

"You still think she'll up your dosage?"

"Probably not, but the vicodin cake does sound nice."

"I'll have to remember that for when your birthday comes around."

And there he went again, casually saying things that hinted and and showed he was really serious about wanting this relationship to work for the long term. Though he had said quite a few things along those lines now and while House seemed to be purposely ignoring them (because of course he noticed, he's House), he wasn't calling Chase a hopefully idiot so he was taking it as a good sign.

"You're falling asleep on me," House's voice called from above him and Chase became aware his head was nestled against House's neck.

"Yeah, well, being metaphorically punched by anxiety all day and then literally punched by your partner tends to make one a little sleepy."

House had the audacity to chuckle.

"Come on," House stood up and Chase would have let his body fall onto the sofa cushions if House wasn't trying to pull him up with him. "Bed."

Chase mentally high-fived himself. He had to be doing something right to get House to not only have talked to him like a reasonable person after the day they'd both had, but also let him stay the night.

"I'm sure Tritter will have a field day when he finds out I punched you," House said once they were both out of their work clothes and under the covers.

Chase had pressed himself against House's left side but House had pushed at him until he was rolled over and then pulled Chase back so his back was against House's chest and Chase could feel his face heating up. He could feel House's breath against his neck and the slight beard scratching at his skin. A hand ghosted over his hip and then wrapped around him, squeezing for a second. Chase could have believe in miracles again right there. That was an apology. Sure, House had already said he was sorry for punching him in the face, and Chase had known even at the time he hadn't really meant to do it, but this, laying like this, this felt like House was trying to say sorry for a lot more and Chase was going to just accept it and not question it or push it because he was not about to ruin this moment.

"Can we make a rule where we aren't allowed to say Tritter's name or mention him while we're in bed?" Chase yawned around the question.

He felt warm air puff against his neck. "Deal."

They'd go into work tomorrow and act a little hostile towards each other, but nothing serious. Cameron and Foreman would ask if Chase was okay and he'd say he was fine. Cuddy would probably come and ask if he was alright in a tentative way that meant what she was really asking was 'are you going to try and sue' and he'd tell her he was over it. And after whatever initial discussion over whatever new patient they had was over, he'd wait for Cameron and Foreman to leave the room and then he'd push House against that dammed whiteboard and snog him and walk out of the room.

**Author's Note:**

> oops so i wrote a 1k fic about them yesterday, 700 word drabble this morning, and now a 5k fic and it's 1am the next day and i only started watching this show on the 13th and it's 1am on the 18th... i think this ship has managed to motivate me.
> 
> after over a week of not being able to work on my nanowrimo goal i think i'm back at it.


End file.
